Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Still dying that you shit outside
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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