he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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