well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
