You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
