ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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