You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i now understand why vodka
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
