I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
