Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize