I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
