Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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