Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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