Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
