I looked at my own cervix.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
