No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
