i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
