She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
