I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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