you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
