It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
