After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
