I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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