I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
