what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
