Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
