I just threw up on my dentist
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
