Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
