she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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