Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
