she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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