The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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