I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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