ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
