I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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