I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
