We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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