yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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