I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
