Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
