its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
