STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
