I am puke
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
