We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
