He disabled his match.com account in front of me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
