I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
