WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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