11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
