Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
