Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
