i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
