I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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