Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
