Only a mothe r could love this liver
it hurts more in the daytime
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize