I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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