I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
