i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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