Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found the puke drawer
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
