I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize