please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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