just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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