sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
