somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
