when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
