whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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