I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
