It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
