I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
