Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
