Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
