For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
