I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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