The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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