I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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