I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
