and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
