You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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