Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
