Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
