I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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