I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
