Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
