the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize