i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
