Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
