he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
