he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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