sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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