I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
