The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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