it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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