so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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