You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
