Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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