Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we should paint friendship bongs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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